When I was young I got into a relationship with a young man who seemed perfect. He was fun, successful, charismatic, good looking, had a great sense of humor, but best of all, he treated me like an absolute queen.

When I was around him, it was as if I was the only person in the world.

Barely into adulthood, I had never felt what it was like to be treated with such love and sweetness. It was intoxicating.

Months later I started to notice less texts and calls, less time together, and less attention overall.

The overwhelming compliments started to fall to the wayside. In their place I started to hear little remarks about my abilities (or lack thereof). The admiration turned to jabs that my accomplishments were due to luck. And the kindness and concern turned to a chilly disregard for my wellbeing.

This new behavior came on gradually, but the relationship still had so many high points and magical moments.

I didn’t understand what was happening.

This was so opposite my perception of who he was that I started to question if I had done something to tarnish the relationship.

I started to question my mental wellbeing.

Narcissistic Relationships

The confusion that came along with this relationship should have been my first red flag, but I just didn’t see it. I didn’t know what I was looking at.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, PhD, many people find themselves in narcissistic relationships, not realizing the destruction taking place… until it’s too late.

These relationships may be a family member, lover, friend, or even someone in the workplace. Even though these relationships may belong to a particular area of life, they can highjack our whole life, including our physical health.

We need to have greater awareness about these individuals and how to identify them. Dr. Ramani says narcissism may display these hallmarks:

• lack of empathy or variable empathy

• grandiosity, arrogance, or envy

• validation seeking

• need for control

• entitlement

• superficiality

• egocentricity

• disregulated emotions which may include rage or intolerance

Now remember, we all may have off moments where we can display one of these traits. This doesn’t mean we are a narcissist. The tell-tale is when these traits shows up repeatedly and we can identify a pattern.

What narcissism is NOT:

• confidence

• anger

• sometimes putting your needs first

• caring about your appearance

• ambitiousness

If someone displays traits of superiority and often puts others down, this could indicate narcissism. However, these traits alone aren’t necessarily cause for concern.

Unfortunately, these relationships can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter how smart you are or even if you came from a good family. Anyone can become emotionally involved in an unhealthy relationship before even realizing it.

After deep diving into the dynamics behind these relationships I’ve compiled six steps to coming to terms with the relationship and choosing your next steps:

1. Embrace the Truth: The first whispers of change start with the quiet acknowledgment that not all that glitters is gold. There comes a moment within these relationships where we see it for what it truly is, stripped of its masquerade. It is here, in this space of raw honesty, that we begin.

2. Seek Support: As we stand at the edge of change, it is the support of friends, family or professionals that help us move forward. When we struggle to see the best in ourselves others may help to remember who we are.

3. Learn and Set Your Boundaries: As we learn about the dynamics of unhealthy relationships, we are able to set clear boandaries for what we will and won’t accept for how others treat us.

4. Make a Decision: There are many reason someone might not leave one of these relationships including financial reasons, hope for change, low self esteem, a long history, or fear of retaliation. Still others decide to stay because they love this person and believe they can build a good life around the relationship. If you choose to stay, be prepared to come to a place of radical acceptance that things will not change with this person. If, on the other hand, you choose to leave start planning.

5. Plan Your Exit with Care: Carefully think about the steps you need to take to leave the relationship safely, especially if safety is a concern. This might involve financial planning or finding a new place to live.

6. Leave and Begin to Heal: Take the steps to leave the relationship. Afterward, focus on healing, which might include grieving the relationship, reflecting on what you’ve learned, and beginning to rebuild your life.

7.Rebuild and Reflect: As you recover, think about your experiences and how they’ve shaped you. It is a time of reflection, where we look back, not in regret, but in understanding and seeing the path that led us to this new life. And as we rebuild, we use these insights to grow stronger and to make healthier choices in the future.

This journey, though tattered with the trials of transformation, is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.

It is a reminder that within us all lies the power to reclaim our lives, to step out of the shadows of unhealthy bonds, and into the light of self-discovery and true freedom.

Leaving an unhealthy relationship is a deeply personal decision that requires navigating complex emotions and circumstances. 

Remember, it’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being above all. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a step towards a healthier, happier you.

Be well,

Jennifer