“We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?”
–Richard Dawkins, Unweaving the Rainbow: Science, Delusion and the Appetite for Wonder
This wondrous paragraph was written about the small chance that we have of ever being born. It is about our incredibly minuscule odds of even existing.
It is straight forward in it’s description of our unique existence, but what it doesn’t say is if we are appreciating this incredible opportunity called life and if we are using it wisely.
I know many people that are living solely for retirement, for the next vacation, for the weekend, for the next episode of The Bachelorette, or for, dare I say it, the next glass of wine. Fill in the next, they are not living for now.
They are not choosing their path in life with full consciousness and intention.
They are stuck in the hum-drums, waiting for the next thing to happen (or quietly praying it won’t).
Sometimes even, they are trying to escape life with each drink, meal, or adventure.
We live in a life that was created for us by our families, by our schools, by our culture and media. Our past has programmed us and unless we consciously choose to change it, our life will continue down a path that is not “ours”.
We have the ability to live here in the present moment, like a child. And furthermore, we have the ability to make decisions from a place of clear, concise, heart-felt drive.
A drive that takes us to where we want to go. We don’t always know the path it will take us on and it will not always be enjoyable, but we can continue to live gratefully, in the moment choosing consciously and wisely what our next actions will be.
We can use any milestone to make new choices including graduations, family births, moves, job changes, the kids moving out, retirement, or even death.
We can look at our life through a magnifying glass or pull back to see the whole picture.
Let’s use death
Yes you read that right. You are going to die. We all will at some point, and as far as I know they haven’t found a cure for death yet so we might as well work with it.
The thing we want to do is face this, head on, with all awareness. We want to create the outcomes we really wish to see in our lives. I encourage you to use death as a tool to create the outcomes you wish to see in your life.
Here is an exercise for you if you have the courage to face it. Do a life review, maybe even write out your own eulogy. Write out the things those you left behind said about you. Write down your achievements, the way you’ve impacted others, and how you have made a difference in the world.
Now look at your life and really determine whether you are on the right track. Are you in alignment with how you want to be remembered?
I have to say, the first time I did this exercise, it was upsetting. It was about 15 years ago when I truly started my development journey and I was living in a way that was inconsistent with what I wanted to create.
I didn’t have the social support that I wanted and I was living a very secluded life. I struggled with depression. It was not a great time for me, but this exercise helped me get clear about how I was living and what I needed to change.
I’ll admit, it’s not an overnight process and takes commitment.
But it is astonishing how quickly you can change the trajectory of our life and with time see those changes.
A recent examination of my life turned to be much more inspiring. I like my direction with most areas of life and choose to make changes in others.
Remember the reasons for doing this is:
What this exercise in NOT:
I would like to iterate that this exercise is not for the purpose of placing blame on yourself. I believe that fault finding (in our past self or others) is a useless exercise of attention, energy, and power. It drains us of our life force energy and takes our attention off of what we can do. Consider that our place in life is to take full responsibility, in the present moment, for what we can control and release the rest.
When we choose to lay blame or fault on others we are giving our power away. We are handing it over on a silver platter and offering seconds, thirds, and even more. The act of laying blame suggests that someone else has power over your life; to control your results, to control your actions, and to control your feelings.
Do you really want to give someone else power over you and your life?
Taking responsibility gives us the power to decide what happens in our own life. Gives us the power to act in accordance with our highest good. Gives us the power to feel the way we choose… regardless of what is happening outside of us.
When I say all this, know that we cannot control the grief we feel at the loss of a loved one or the trauma that occurs in extenuating events. There are, of course, times when we need to process emotion. These things need to be handled appropriately and may even require the assistance of a therapist or other professional.
Aside from that, we do have an incredible amount of control over our life and can make profound change the we are aware of our current standing. Awareness is gained through asking questions.
Let’s say you do the life review exercise, and have a picture of what things will be like if you live your life through, not changing anything. Let’s say you see your accomplishments without instilling any new actions, beliefs, or changes from here to your death. What will that be like? How will you feel?
Ask yourself, if you don’t change your path will you have achieved what you want in life. Would you have changed anything if you could? Think about all areas of life deeply and allow yourself the chance to reveal your true, honest answers.
What behaviors, beliefs, or habits would you have change?
What would you change about your relationships, health, financial wellness?
What is your purpose in life and/or what impact do you want to have in the world that you haven’t started working on yet.
Ask yourself ALL THE QUESTIONS and answer them with audacious honesty.
Given that you are one of the lucky few that were born here and that you want to live fully, consciously, and joyfully, start taking this gift seriously.
Start putting some actions behind the things you want to create. Start changing the behaviors and beliefs holding you back from being who you really strive to be. Start living with joy and presence, making the decisions that will create the life for you want, for you and your family.
Put your goals down on paper and start making a realistic plan for achieving what you want. If you don’t have one already, use a planner, and record your intentions, your actions, what you’ve learned, and what you have to do next.
Don’t just let this inspire you momentarily, take action.
After all, it’s only life.
Treat it as such.
And live it fully!
Jennifer
Have you ever wondered the most important part of setting a new goal? What really makes it work? Why do you set some goals and get right to it, while others just sort of wither away?
I have lists of goals from the past that have never seen the light of day.
They sat in a notebook, only to be scrutinized years later. When I wrote them down I actually wanted those things. It wasn’t that I didn’t, I truly did.
After dissecting the goals of yesteryear I believe I have figured out where I went wrong.
Let me start with my experience as a sleep deprived, new mother. I wanted it all.
I wanted to be a great mom, to own a successful business, to be fit and healthy, to have an incredible spiritual connection through prayer and meditation.
What actually happened? After a very long night of feedings, I woke up early, barely making it to the kitchen. I had very little clarity about how a business would fit into my already chaotic life.
This dream business wasn’t already there before the baby came along, and I was really just focused on whether I could manage to get a shower in on any particular day.
I was depressed and struggled to manage my life, much less get more than two actual workouts in per week.
If I had more than 30 seconds to sit down for a meditation or prayer, it was far more likely that I would fall asleep, and yes, I could fall asleep sitting up. I was exhausted all. the. time.
I couldn’t have under any circumstances forced myself to reach my goals because my fundamental needs weren’t being met.
I was trying to skip building the foundation and move right on to constructing the skyscraper.
I needed to get clear on where I was at that moment to move forward. I look back and realize my goals should have been about getting enough sleep and proper food and water.
Maybe I could have hired a babysitter for a few hours a week to work with a therapist or a coach. My mindset at the time was to just power through, even when the power plant was completely shut down. I see now that getting a bit of sleep and turning on the generators could have helped me move forward and make the goals that I had meaningful.
When we are constantly struggling and feel depleted it is impossible to really invest in the future. We need to deal with life right here, at this moment. We have three incredible resources for creating life the way we want right now:
Finding clarity is essential to figuring out what is important today and knowing where you are going tomorrow.
It helps us to sustain motivation in pursuit of our goals. We find out who we are, what we have to learn, and how to get there through clarity.
Determining your perspective is vital to creating the feelings we need to propel us forward in life.
We don’t choose emotions, they are a natural, automatic reaction that we have to circumstances in life. We can, however, change our perspective, and thus our feelings to create what we want.
I was the maid-of-honor in several weddings to women I absolutely adore. One of those was a big, beautiful Italian wedding. There were to be 500 guests and my dear friend asked me to make a speech.
I, at the time, was one of the shyest people I knew. I trembled in front of an audience of 5.
This really pulled me out of my comfort zone and the thought of it made me feel nauseous, but I agreed and started my preparations. I knew I had to train myself out of my natural response to that fear.
I approached my duty very thoughtfully and wanted to make sure my speech was custom made for them.
I reflected on my relationship with this friend and what it was like to watch their love blossom. After many edits, I was sure I had the perfect speech for them.
At that point, I decided to practice everyday. I visualized a large audience as I repeated the speech over and over again and I even said it in the mirror. I felt the feelings I wanted to feel that day – confident, joyful, natural, and polished.
The day arrived, and as the butterflies showed up I reminded myself that those were the feelings of excitement, not sickness.
I did it! I got through my speech exactly as practiced. My nerves settled into confidence and I even had somebody ask me afterward if I was a professional speaker.
I was overjoyed, not with how it turned out, but mostly with how I trained myself to have a new perspective and thus, respond to the stress of being in front of an audience.
Intention isn’t something people talk about often and when used properly it can create instant change in the mind, body, and life of an individual. Intention is what happens when we are completely present in the moment, yet determined mentally to create a specific end or objective.
I believe wholeheartedly that intention reaches out into the ethos and bides the universe to support us.
When I say that, it sounds like a bunch of hooey, but if you’ve ever looked into quantum physics on even a superficial level you have probably heard of entanglement.
If we can access this incredible occurrence on purpose, we have the power to create any shifts in life, including the miraculous.
I believe with the right training and mindset we are limitless. We can create the conditions in life that we seek and although life may hand us circumstances that are beyond our control, it is how we respond that creates the conditions of our life.
Take care,
Jen
Have you ever wondered the most important part of setting a new goal? What really makes it work? Why do you set some goals and get right to it, while others just sort of wither away?
I have lists of goals from the past that have never seen the light of day.
They sat in a notebook, only to be scrutinized years later. When I wrote them down I actually wanted those things. It wasn’t that I didn’t, I truly did.
After dissecting the goals of yesteryear I believe I have figured out where I went wrong.
Let me start with my experience as a sleep deprived, new mother. I wanted it all.
I wanted to be a great mom, to own a successful business, to be fit and healthy, to have an incredible spiritual connection through prayer and meditation.
What actually happened? After a very long night of feedings, I woke up early, barely making it to the kitchen. I had very little clarity about how a business would fit into my already chaotic life.
This dream business wasn’t already there before the baby came along, and I was really just focused on whether I could manage to get a shower in on any particular day.
I was depressed and struggled to manage my life, much less get more than two actual workouts in per week.
If I had more than 30 seconds to sit down for a meditation or prayer, it was far more likely that I would fall asleep, and yes, I could fall asleep sitting up. I was exhausted all. the. time.
I couldn’t have under any circumstances forced myself to reach my goals because my fundamental needs weren’t being met.
I was trying to skip building the foundation and move right on to constructing the skyscraper.
I needed to get clear on where I was at that moment to move forward. I look back and realize my goals should have been about getting enough sleep and proper food and water.
Maybe I could have hired a babysitter for a few hours a week to work with a therapist or a coach. My mindset at the time was to just power through, even when the power plant was completely shut down. I see now that getting a bit of sleep and turning on the generators could have helped me move forward and make the goals that I had meaningful.
When we are constantly struggling and feel depleted it is impossible to really invest in the future. We need to deal with life right here, at this moment. We have three incredible resources for creating life the way we want right now:
Finding clarity is essential to figuring out what is important today and knowing where you are going tomorrow.
It helps us to sustain motivation in pursuit of our goals. We find out who we are, what we have to learn, and how to get there through clarity.
Determining your perspective is vital to creating the feelings we need to propel us forward in life.
We don’t choose emotions, they are a natural, automatic reaction that we have to circumstances in life. We can, however, change our perspective, and thus our feelings to create what we want.
I was the maid-of-honor in several weddings to women I absolutely adore. One of those was a big, beautiful Italian wedding. There were to be 500 guests and my dear friend asked me to make a speech.
I, at the time, was one of the shyest people I knew. I trembled in front of an audience of 5.
This really pulled me out of my comfort zone and the thought of it made me feel nauseous, but I agreed and started my preparations. I knew I had to train myself out of my natural response to that fear.
I approached my duty very thoughtfully and wanted to make sure my speech was custom made for them.
I reflected on my relationship with this friend and what it was like to watch their love blossom. After many edits, I was sure I had the perfect speech for them.
At that point, I decided to practice everyday. I visualized a large audience as I repeated the speech over and over again and I even said it in the mirror. I felt the feelings I wanted to feel that day – confident, joyful, natural, and polished.
The day arrived, and as the butterflies showed up I reminded myself that those were the feelings of excitement, not sickness.
I did it! I got through my speech exactly as practiced. My nerves settled into confidence and I even had somebody ask me afterward if I was a professional speaker.
I was overjoyed, not with how it turned out, but mostly with how I trained myself to have a new perspective and thus, respond to the stress of being in front of an audience.
Intention isn’t something people talk about often and when used properly it can create instant change in the mind, body, and life of an individual. Intention is what happens when we are completely present in the moment, yet determined mentally to create a specific end or objective.
I believe wholeheartedly that intention reaches out into the ethos and bides the universe to support us.
When I say that, it sounds like a bunch of hooey, but if you’ve ever looked into quantum physics on even a superficial level you have probably heard of entanglement.
If we can access this incredible occurrence on purpose, we have the power to create any shifts in life, including the miraculous.
I believe with the right training and mindset we are limitless. We can create the conditions in life that we seek and although life may hand us circumstances that are beyond our control, it is how we respond that creates the conditions of our life.
Take care,
Jen
