I often hear people say they can’t make changes in their lives because something outside of them is holding them back. They believe, wholeheartedly, that it’s due to this external factor that they’re stuck and unable to move forward. I’m no stranger to this way of thinking myself. We’ve all identified obstacles in life that seem to prevent us from pursuing what we truly want. It usually sounds something like this:

• I can’t lose weight because my family won’t eat healthy foods.
• I work full time, so I can’t get my degree.
• I don’t travel like I want because I have no one to watch my dog.
• My marriage is struggling because my wife only focuses on the kids.
• I can’t make the money I want because I’m a stay-at-home mom.
• I have too many commitments, so writing that book is just a dead-end dream.

People often limit themselves with the language they use and the perspectives they hold. Because they haven’t achieved something in the past, they start to believe it’s not possible for their future.

Over time, I’ve seen a pattern in people’s lives—a temporary feeling of being stuck gradually turns into a long-term way of living. Let’s take a closer look at how this happens.

Imagine we have a mutual friend named Joe who’s going through a slump at work. He’s in sales but is beginning to question if he belongs there. After a particularly tough day, Joe comes home to a stressed-out wife, chaotic kids, a dog that needs walking, and a house in disarray.

He begins to worry about losing his job, paying the bills, and whether he can manage all the demands in his life. He doubts his ability to meet the expectations of his wife and his job.

Feeling overwhelmed, Joe decides to have a few beers to unwind. Later, he meets a friend at the local pub and feels immediate relief. But he stays out too late, leading to an argument with his wife when he gets home.

The next morning, Joe oversleeps, making an already difficult situation worse. He feels guilt and a low sense of self-worth. To top it off, his boss tells him the job may not be a good fit and asks him to return the company’s belongings.

Joe finds himself back at the bar, sipping his beer and wondering if his wife would be better off without him. He starts to believe he’s a failure.

Joe’s situation spirals quickly, leading to serious consequences. Though this is a fictional scenario, it reflects very real circumstances for many. Somewhere out there, there’s a “Joe” feeling exactly this way.

In Joe’s mind, his external world dictated his inability to change. He saw only the obstacles—his job, wife, family, and finances—and concluded he couldn’t improve his life. We’ve all experienced this in some form, saying something like:

I can’t move forward because ________ won’t let me.

Unless you’re in a life-threatening situation that genuinely prevents you from taking action, this belief simply isn’t true. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve believed similar things many times over. Unfortunately, these beliefs block us from accessing the resources we need to move forward.

So, how could Joe have approached things differently? What resources could have helped him change his course?

Like any challenge in life, we don’t always know how we’ll get through it. We don’t always have the answers right away. But every one of us has access to an untapped depth of strength. We all have the ability to face what seems insurmountable and create something extraordinary. By digging into this reservoir of personal power, we can harness the energy needed to create the life we want.

Take, for example, Paul Alexander, an incredible individual who contracted polio at age six in 1952 and has spent much of his life in an iron lung. Despite his condition, he taught himself a technique called “glossopharyngeal breathing” (or “frog breathing”), allowing him to breathe manually and spend hours outside the iron lung each day.

In spite of his circumstances, Paul Alexander became a lawyer, earned his degree, and has inspired countless people with his story of perseverance. He even wrote a memoir titled Three Minutes for a Dog: My Life in an Iron Lung, detailing his remarkable journey.

His story is a testament to the power of resilience and human ingenuity in the face of immense challenges.

There are so many stories of extraordinary people who have long transcended the abilities of us mere mortals, yet, that is exactly what they are. They are just like you and me and as my stepdad used to say, “we all put our pants on one leg at a time.” These people don’t have superpowers, more hours in the day, or unbelievable intelligence to pull off the seemingly impossible. They do, however, take full advantage of the fire that fuels inside to create a life or result that puts others in a state of awe. They’ve learned how to talk to themselves to stoke this spark into a blaze so glorious they’ve created the remarkable.

We all have that.

And so do you!

Be well,

Jennifer